WILDLIFE AS PINE BROOK HOUSEGUESTS
By Peter D. Goldfinch
As we enter the third
quarter here in Pine Brook, it seems timely to consider certain wildlife
that will soon be guests in most of our homes, and to inform ourselves about
their various habits and desires if we at all hope to be adequate hosts.
Naturally I
refer to Acantocephala Terminalis, the brown 10-20 mm leaf-footed bug that
is prone to drop in at the end of the season. As you know, there are many
orders of insects, including Butterflies and Moths: Order Lepidoptera,
Beetles: Order Coleoptera, Chewing Lice: Order Mallophaga, Sucking Lice:
Order Anoplura, Book Lice and Bark Lice: Order Psocoptera, and the like.
Our particular little guest-friends (which we may refer to affectionately as
“AT”) belongs to the Order Hemiptera, the TRUE BUGS. Not just your ordinary
everyday insect, but real, honest-to-goodness official BUGS.
As mentioned, AT
is a leaf-footed bug, which refers to the leaf-like widening of the
posterior tibia. Looking at the underside of AT with your 10x magnifying
glass you notice the beak retracted between the legs, almost 2/3 the length
of AT’s body. AT feeds by sucking the vital juices from plants through this
long beak.
At mating time,
adult AT’s pair end to end, being totally unaware of the missionary
position. Many eggs are produced, for as you know, insects experience a
high rate of infant mortality. Nymphs hatch, with legs and all, progressing
to full adulthood through a series of molts, a process known as ecdysis,
shedding the outer layer of skin. The behavior of human ecdysiasts, or
stripteasers, may actually be a genetically determined throwback to this
more primitive behavior of insects and snakes.
So now you are
informed, forewarned, prepared to be the impeccable host when your guests
arrive. Like many human guests, they come uninvited, unannounced. You do
not hear their footprints coming down the hall. They’ve burned their wild
oats and are coming in to escape the weather. They could be frozen to a
crisp out there. Soon your lovely Pine Brook house will be overflowing at
the gills with ATs. You may feel there’s a pit in your stomach, but you
must take the bull by the reins and exude hospitality. Accept them warmly,
so they won’t have to report to the world that there was no room at the inn.
To the best of
our knowledge, AT is unlike humans and is not religious. You, as host, need
not concern yourself with dietary restrictions such as meat on Fridays,
pork, etc. No frantic scramble for a Bible to place at AT’s bedside. No
concerns about excluding outbursts of profanity or obscenity from your
verbal expressions, or hollering and losing your temperature.
Oh, there is one
thing about diet. AT is phytophagous and eats only plant juices, which is
fine with me. It’s just that I’m fed up with having vegetarian human
friends over for dinner and having them refuse the filet mignon or beef
tenderloin we customarily serve. Their attitude is so morally
condescending. An honest, “I’m phytophagous” would suffice, and I’d be glad
to serve any kind of vegetable material they wished.
I almost forgot
something else…AT is a stinkbug. Each one has a large stink or
“repugnatorial” gland. If you by some oversight happen to ingest a stinkbug
it can leave a lingering distaste in your month. But, not to worry. Some
human house guests can be stinkers, too.
And what about
the inevitable question about your guests’ departure date? No problem.
These house guests simply terminate. Sooner or later they die like
hotcakes. You may have concern about negative publicity over the death of a
house guest, with visions of the sheriff outside the door, waiting to snap
on the cufflinks and take you off for three hours of interrogation.
Unlikely, except in certain environmentally correct communities and,
besides, AT is not an endangered species.
After it is all
over, your hostly duties completed, you can relax again and reflect. No, AT
was not a fly in the oatmeal, or even a flaw in the ointment. In fact, you
are now bored stiffless, and start thinking about a vacation at some
friends’ house during the last two months in October.
Addendum:
The Pine Brook
Press must apologize to you, dear reader, for Peter D. Goldfinch’s possible
misidentification of your houseguest. Acanthocephalus terminalis is only
rarely seen in the region, and then only in its extreme southern areas.
Your autumnal arriviste is most likely Leptoglossus occidentalis of the
family Coreidae.
Leaffooted bugs in the genus Leptoglossus feed and develop primarily on
seeds, especially those of pines, Douglas fir and other conifers. These
conifer seed bugs can be seen in the summer right outside your windows,
developing on young pine cones or seeds of various trees and shrubs. They
hide, but can be collected by shaking the branch over a cloth or tray. In
the fall, as adults, they move into your house, of course, to keep warm.
If you are
turned on by this bug, you might care to observe a close relative who may
also live on your property, the prickly pear bug (or Opuntia bug), Chelindea
vittiger. These are shorter than L. occidentalis and of bright green color
which matches the prickly pear cactus nicely. Observe them hiding on the
underside. They use their long proboscis to suck the vital juices out of
the prickly pears, sometimes causing them to wither and die back. We have
yet to learn where they spend the winter. Ed.
From The Pine
Brook Press, Summer, 1994
|
